Is it just me, or do these two-hour The Bachelorette episodes feel like they are just too much?
By the time Matt dropped in and Jesse accosted him in the hotel lobby, I’d almost forgotten all about Sam N.’s crash out.
THERE’S JUST SO MUCH HAPPENING EVERY WEEK!
That being said, this may have been the greatest episode yet, if only because the two one-on-one dates were so opposite, Sam N. had a monumental fall from grace, and ex-Matt conveniently showed up to inject some drama.
Let’s get into it!
We start with the remaining guys and Jenn heading to New Zealand, another beautiful country everyone is excited to visit. There is lots of talk about bucket lists and whatnot.
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There’s a weird little filler segment with Jenn and Jesse getting served a ridiculous amount of delicious-looking food, and Jesse remarks that he ruined food for the series forever, and okay.
Jenn then surprises the guys, who are all crammed into two booths and acting like they want to hang out with each other. She then whisks Sam M. away for the first one-on-one.
Side note: the Devin and Sam M. beef is starting to get old, but Devin kills me every time he mentions one of Sam M.’s catchphrases because he’s RIGHT.
The man is a walking inspirational quote, and not enough is being said about it!
Jenn and Sam M. have a private table inside the Sky Tower, and Jenn is really concerned about the fact the two of them only have sexual chemistry, and so am I.
They’re flirting heavily when they see people sky-jumping outside, which prompts Sam M. to sign them up for it right away, while Jenn clearly wants no part of it.
Look, they obviously went to that place for this EXACT scenario to play out, but Sam M. takes the anti-Marcus approach, and he’s laughing it up and basically telling Jenn you WILL jump off this building with me!
Jenn is less than impressed, as she should be, because he’s a giddy little kid while Jenn is contemplating her whole life, and the man is just standing there with a goofy grin.
It takes him far too long to realize Jenn isn’t trying to be cute and that she really doesn’t want to do it before he comforts her.
All Jenn wanted was for him to understand her feelings and sympathize with her, and he got there, but should it have taken that long?
They eventually jump, kiss, and have some champagne, and it feels wildly anticlimactic.
Back at the hotel, the guys get the date card, and it’s every guy left heading out on it except for…DEVIN! I just know those guys were seething!
Back to Jenn and Sam M., they have the nighttime part of their date, and Jenn understandably wants to get deeper with Sam M. And honestly?
She gets much deeper than he does, though he does open up about his prior engagement, which is enough to show Jenn he’s ready for marriage.
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She likes Sam M., which is fine, but their relationship still feels heavy on attraction and light on substance.
It’s only week four, but you’re getting to that part in the season where the numbers dwindle, and you either have that connection or you don’t.
I can see Jenn with about six or seven of these men before Sam M.
Sam M. gets the rose, and all is well for Mr. Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing.
The group date is a fun one, as the guys suit up for rugby. I love that this comes in the middle of the Olympics because did you see that finale between Fiji and France? That was INSANE!
There’s a beautiful haka performed before they start practicing, which is just the start of the wonderful look we get at Māori culture throughout the hour.
Then it’s time to hit each other and run around in a manly fashion, which the guys enjoy, but Sam N. wakes up that morning as a changed man with the spirit of a baddie willing to do whatever he must to stand out.
The guys are confused as to where the shy, love virgin went and where this new guy with a sharpie and a bad attitude came from, but he’s trying to stand out in a field of guys Jenn OBVIOUSLY likes better, and I can respect that even if it’s cringe-worthy.
There’s a little reprieve from the action to show the 840,349th conversation between Sam M. and Devin, in which they get nothing accomplished because they hate each other, but the producers keep making them talk about each other.
The rugby game is a rugby game, and the guys go after it, which, good for them.
Marcus gets hurt, Sam N. is all over the pitch like the spirit of some outstanding rugby player I don’t know the name of has taken over his body, and the blue team wins, with little fanfare.
The cocktail party starts awkwardly as hell because Sam N. is losing it. I want to feel bad for him because he’s just out of his element, but he’s also a grown man, so alas, I’m unmoved.
It’s wild to watch something, like the conversation between Jenn and Sam N., and see him walk away so visibly pleased when Jenn can barely muster up any emotion.
He’s just not reading any of the rooms he’s in, and the guys are a little harsh with him. They’re also over his attitude, which got exponentially worse when he showed up cosplaying as Danny Zuko.
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Jenn has much better chats with Jonathon (he’s growing on me, and the chemistry with Jenn is HOT), Grant, and Marcus, who is very vulnerable with her in a way that feels much more authentic than most people on this show.
Following his bestie, Sam M., Thomas N. decides it’s his responsibility to take Sam N. aside and tell him about himself.
But he should have realized that this Sam N. is not concerned about anyone else but himself, his pride, loudly saying he’s going to marry Jenn and Jenn herself, in that order.
Jenn and Thomas N. are chatting when Sam N. interrupts, and it’s awkward — not in the way it is when Devin does it. Perhaps that’s because you know Jenn actually wants to spend time with Devin.
After getting Jenn alone again, Sam N. comes out and asks for a kiss, and oh no. Oh no, no, no.
Jenn has to break his heart, and she does it in the nicest way possible. Sam N. handles it well, but he had to know the vibes were not vibing.
Back at the party, Jenn casually tells the boys that Sam N. had to go, and then gives an emotional Marcus his group date rose. And I say for the hundredth time, frontrunner.
Now it’s time for Devin and Jenn’s date and guys. Am I liking Devin?
To be fair, I never disliked Devin, and when the episode isn’t entirely revolved around him and people hating him, he’s kind of a likable guy.
And dare I say, he and Jenn have some of the best chemistry on the show.
They go to learn more about Māori culture, and it’s genuinely a wonderful date.
It also says something about how she and Devin have an intimate and personal date while she and Sam M. sit in a building together before jumping off it.
I’m just saying.
Jenn and Devin share a lot during the day and night portion of the date, and it’s evident that they like each other a lot and have a pretty good understanding of each other.
The guy can rip on Devin as much as they want, but Jenn seems to get him, and more than that, she likes what she sees. Sucks to suck, boys.
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Devin says he’s falling for Jenn, and she blushes, and Devin isn’t going anywhere.
We should be heading into the rose ceremony now, but then Jesse comes on dramatically, talking about Jenn’s ex, who is flying all the way to New Zealand to win her back, and the way Jesse explains the situation makes it sound anything but romantic.
The poor guy can’t even check into the hotel before Jesse is like, “What are you doing here, bro?”
Matt is that ex who didn’t want to date you, but the second they sense you could be moving on for good, they show up to ruin everything. It’s like they smell your happiness and must put an end to it.
Jenn is taken aback by Matt’s words because it sounds like he had plenty of time to confess his feelings to her when she wasn’t on television, and he just did not.
Extending the invitation for him to join the rest of the men sounds like a recipe for disaster, for which I will be firmly seated.
Let me know how you feel about Matt’s arrival and Sam N.’s burnout in the comments!
You can watch The Bachelorette on Monday nights on ABC at 8/9c.